我变了吗？还是我找回自我了？

6月时，去了一个名为《圆梦课程》的生活营。在那个营里，学会了很多很宝贵的东西，也给了我很多的“当头棒喝”。
在那个营里，我学会了归零心态。就是凡事都要懂得归零和愿意归零。今天的事，该今天放下，明天要懂得以从新开始的心态在开始。这样的话就能以全新的角度看事情，事情也会有不同的转机。虽然还没真正地应用这个道理，不过时机到时，希望能记得这个道理。
第二个学会的是，凡事都不要问能不能，要勇敢地去做了才知道。这是在看刘德华那个everyone is No. 1 MV 时看到的一句歌词。“Everyone is No. 1, 只要你凡事不问能不能， 用一口气交换你一生、 要迎接未来不必等”。看到这个短片时，我深受感动。因为影片里的是一个关于残障人士努力完成赛跑梦想的过程。我当时就在想，若残障的人都能，四肢健全的我们凭什么说不能。所以，从那个营回来后，我的行动力变强了。很多事情，我很敢地就去做了。我一直记得那一句“只要凡事你不问能不能”。。。因为问了的话，代表你在犹豫，久而久之就做不了了。
还有学到的是，就是心动不如行动，不可以只会说，只会想，要敢敢行动才是最重要。只有行动才会把想法和说法变成真。美梦要成真也只能靠行动了。你说不是吗？
所以回来了之后，我变得积极多了，也参与了许多事情。例如，为了我的论文，我去了登嘉楼一趟找辅导员因为那里有一个研讨会在进行所以一定能找到不少辅导员。厉害的是，我是在研讨会2天前才决定上去的。在没有任何的准备之下，我在一天内搞定好了巴士票、联络教授、复印问卷等。若是没去那个营之前的我，应该还在犹豫到底要不要去，最后一定没去成。因为我一直记得那一句，“只要凡事不问能不能”，所以我做了再打算。所以我总算找到了不少的辅导员，也丰富了我在大学的最后一个学期。（我可是从来没去过登嘉楼，若不是那一次，应该永生都不会到那个地方）。再来我还参与了为青海玉树赈灾的活动，为灾民们筹款。好久没办活动的我，虽然有点手忙脚乱，但我还是帮忙设计了活动的海报。而且大家都说不错，这就是大家给我最大的鼓舞。
我也自动报名参加饥饿30，好在大学最后一个学期来得及参加这个由我大学协办的活动，还报名要当小组组长。
我也自动报名参加当Standard Chartered KL Marathon的志愿者。虽然我承认说有被它的酬劳打动，可是即使没有酬劳，我也是会想要去的。结果我有了一个非常美好的经验。

我真的非常感谢自己去参加了那个营。更感谢自己一直铭记那一句“凡事不问能不能”歌词。因为这样一来，我的生活真的起了很大的改变。我的生活变丰富了。我的生活便精彩了。

我在想以前中学时期的那个我，好像曾有那么一个时段也是这样的。我就在想我是真的改变了，还是我找回了那个以前的我了。能变的话是好的，但若找回那个积极的我，那就真的是太好了。

爸爸之回忆~杂菜饭/打包饭

因为工作的关系，家里都没有人能为我们姐妹俩烹煮午餐。所以，爸爸每次都会为我们姐妹俩打包午餐。那一天和朋友来到茨场街，在别无选择之下，来到了这一家店面，将就一下吃杂饭。
吃着吃着，天阴阴的，再加上档位的灯光昏暗，一些回忆涌了过来。

这一张照片就摄于该档位。

爸爸，永在怀念中。

Intro to the songs i choose~

Hi guys n gals,
I have changed the songs in my playlist~
there are altogether 4 songs in the playlist...3 of them are quite new~
the 1st song is from Super Junior's KRY~(Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Yesung~)
Title of the song: Coagulation~
Quite a sad song with nice melody~

차가운 너의 그 한 마디가 나의 마음에 닿게 됐을 때

When your cold words reach my heart

내 눈동자엔 나도 모르는 촉촉한 이슬 방울

In my eyes, without me knowing, wet dewdrops

어디서 어떻게 자꾸만 맺히는지 나도 모르죠

Where they’re from and how they form over and over even I don’t know

그냥 내가 많이 아픈 것만 알아요

The only thing I know is that I just really hurt

뜨거웠던 가슴이 점점 싸늘하죠

My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold

뭐라고 말할지, 어떻게 붙잡을지 나도 모르겠잖아

I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you

어떻게 난 어떻게 하죠

How can I, How can I do it

나나나나나 나나나나나 유리창에도 내 눈 위에도

Nanananana nanananana on the window and on my eyes

이슬 맺혔네 눈물 맺혔네 작은 냇물을 만드네

dew forms, tears form, a small stream is made

어디서 어떻게 자꾸만 맺히는지 나도 모르죠

Where they’re from and how they form over and over even I don’t know

그냥 내가 많이 아픈 것만 알아요

The only thing I know is that I just really hurt

뜨거웠던 가슴이 점점 싸늘하죠

My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold

뭐라고 말할지, 어떻게 붙잡을지 나도 모르겠잖아

It seems even I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you

어떻게 난 어떻게 하죠

How can I, How can I do it

눈 감으면 흘러 내릴까봐 하늘을 올려봐도

I’m afraid that if I close my eyes they will flow even as I look up to the sky

결국엔 무거워진 눈물 한 방울을 들켜버리고 말았지

Of the tears that have ultimately become worse, one drop was finally discovered

어떻게 다신 널 볼 수 없으면 난 어떻게

How if I can’t see you again then how can I

내일 아침 나도 모르게 전화기에 손이 닿으면 그러면 나는 어떻게

Tomorrow morning when I unknowingly reach for the telephone What will I do then

웃으며 너에게 좋은 모습 남기고 싶어 너를 봤지만

I want to smile and leave you with a good image but when I look at you

결국엔 흘러 내렸지

The tears ultimately fall down

2nd Song is from 2PM!!!! HEarbeat! But this is a redlight mix version...altho i dunno wat does it means by REDLIGHT MIX~ But this is good~ Never thought that heartbeat can be sung in this way~ Bravo~

3rd Song is also frm 2PM!!!!'s new album ''DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP"'s WITHOUT U~ Choosing this song bcoz: (drums roll~) it's frm 2PM!!! Haha~ This song is about a boy being dumped but wants to tell his girl friend that "I'm gonna be ok, can live without U, will be better without U coz u dunno love at all"~ yea...sounds cruel for the gal, but mayb this song is frm a good guy to a bad gal~ wakaka~

4th Song~~~ title of the song: It has to be you 너 아니면 안돼 by Yesung frm Super Junior~ This is from Cinderella's Sister 's OST~ SUper nice~ As the name of the song suggests, it's about a boy can't live without a girl lo~ It has to be the girl~ haha~

오늘도 내 기억을 따라헤매다
이 길 끝에서 서성이는 나
다신 볼 수도 없는 니가 나를 붙잡아
나는 또 이 길을 묻는다
널 보고 싶다고
또 안고 싶다고
저 하늘보며 기도하는 날
니가 아니면 안돼
너 없인 난 안돼
나 이렇게 하루 한달을 또 일년을
나 아파도 좋아
내 맘 다쳐도 좋아 난
그래 난 너 하나만 사랑하니까
나 두 번 다시는
보 낼 수 없다고
나 너를 잊고 살순 없다고
니가 아니면 안돼
너 없인 난 안돼
나 이렇게 하루 한달을 또 일년을
나 아파도 좋아
내 맘 다쳐도 좋아 난
그 래 난 너 하나만 사랑하니까
내 멍든 가슴이
널 찾아오라고
소 리쳐 부른다
넌 어딨는거니
나의 목소리 들리지 않니
나 에게는
나 다시 살아도
몇 번을 태어나도
하루도 니가 없이 살 수 없는 나
내가 지켜줄 사람
내가 사랑할 사람 난
그래 난 너 하나면 충분하니까
너 하나만 사랑하니까

Translation:

Today, i wander in my memory
I’m pasing around on the end of this way
You’re still holding me tightly, even though i can’t see you any more
I’m losing my way again
I’m praying to the sky i want see you and hold you more
that i want to see you and hold you more
It can’t be if it’s not you
i can’t be without you
it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this
it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts
yes because i’m just in love with you
i cannot send you away one more time
i can’t live without you
it can’t be if it’s not you
i can’t be without you
it’s okay if i’m hurt for a day and a year like this
it’s fine even if my heart’s hurts
yes because i’m just in love with you
my bruised heart
is screaming to me to find you
where are you?
can’t you hear my voice?
to me…
if i live my life again
if i’m born over and over again
i can’t live without you for a day
You’re the one i will keep
you’re the one i will love
i’m…yes because i’m happy enough if i could be with you

These are the 4 songs i like recently, hope u enjoy listening!!

I miss the good old days!!!

Don't be scared by my sudden english post...juz suddenly feel lik writing something in English.
I feel so happy to hear that you said you miss the good old days in PJ. Don't know whether ur good old days include us or not....(sorry for my Manglish~)
As a lot of problems are facing us recently (or specifically facing me...), i start to miss the good old days too....
I miss those happy days we were together hanging around at MV...
I miss the pasar malam that 2 of us been together as well!!!
I miss those great movies that we had had at MV when we have no class....
I also miss those busy days that we rush our assignments together...and do our group assignments together...
Although there were also times that we can't get along with each other very much, I treasured those cute little awkward moments very much too....
When I saw this is wat my juniors are having, they reminded me how I was like when i juz entered UNI...
I rili miss the good old days...mayb I miss you too!!! haha~~~

检讨

我好像很常都在投诉别人怎么怎么的，忘了也该检讨自己了。
我有检讨过，有时实在想不通自己哪里做错了。
有时知道是自己错了，却不懂得该怎么办才好。
想改，可是却有一些因素导致我一犯再犯。
我很想相信别人，可是为什么这些人不多。
是我太挑剔了吗？还是我没有“信任”这个东西？
我怀念那个我能完全信任的日子，不必操心的日子。
与其说是信任，倒不如说是依赖。
有人能让你信任+依赖，原来很幸福。
可是，在每个人都在寻找可以依赖的人的当儿，却忘了要让自己可以让人依赖。
啊~好烦。。。越写越矛盾。。。不知所谓。。。

忙死人的新年之后

一年里最最幸福的时刻过去了，迎来了今年第一个最最忙碌的时刻（希望不要有第二个！）。

该死的admin staff~居然把其中考编在新年回来之后的那个假期。

所以回来了之后就是往死里地读书，读啊读啊读。。。读到发梦都是课本的内容，还梦到这些内容到底是不是真的。

真是读得太严重了。

在3天里面连续考3科，连续两个星期考5科。。。你试过了吗？而且每一科都要念超多的theory。（好啦我承认是我平时没在做复习。。。下次不会了。。。）不幸中的大幸是，没有一天里面考两科。不然的话，我会罢考！

忙完了考试还要忙assignment，一点喘气的空间都没有。

这个学期，真是忙死人了啦！！！

璀璨的烟花背后

新年期间，因为政府严禁烧爆竹，所以人民渐转向放烟花。
在2007年的华人农历新年期间，去了中国旅行。因为是在新年期间，人们都不惜成本地大放烟花。到处都能看见放烟花的踪迹。因为这一景象在沙巴甚少能见，所以很“小巫见大巫”地为它呐喊了。妈妈还以为我傻了~ >...<
那年的五月，来了吉隆坡念书，正式地过着城市生活。
来到这里之后才发现这里的人们每逢节庆都会放烟花。诸如新年、华人新年、国庆、马来新年、圣诞之类的节日都会放。
本来以为烟花是在非常大的场合才能看见的，在这座城市却是那么地普遍。
今年的农历新年，回到了沙巴过年。
这时我才发现，沙巴人也仿佛从别的大城市学到了些什么，也跟风放起烟花来了。
新年期间，到处都在放烟花，弄得嘭嘭作响。
可能放烟花的地点离家里有段距离的关系，都只听到声音却看不到烟花。
直到年初七那天，妈妈的上司宴请一班同事到他家，我才真正看到放烟花的原形。
在吃着东西的当儿，有两个不知好歹的家伙在点燃烟花炮。第一颗顺利地射了上去。因为当时不知道是烟花，所以并没加以理会。
第二颗，因为没有固定位置，烟花点燃了以后，射向了宾客吃饭的地方。因为火还没烧到炮的中心，所以人们还不懂得烟花炮已射向该处。说时迟那时快，烟花炮爆开了，发出一声巨响。烟花射向人们，我在场也被吓了一跳。眼看烟花不停地爆出，人们到处乱窜，好希望赶快找到“避难”的地方。我当时手上还拿着一盘食物，因为着急而在“逃亡”的的路途中把盘子给扔了。
好在，我们都很幸运。妈妈、妹妹和我都没被烟花溅到。然而，一位同事的手却非常不幸运地被烧伤而赶往医院了。
之后，那位上司便跑出来责怪那那放烟花的家伙。之后，就没看到这两位“仁凶”了。
原以为这一次教训后就不会再放了。怎么知道，这次放的人却是那位所谓上司。（原来这叫上梁不正下梁歪~）经过了刚才的惊吓，一听到人们说又要放烟花了，我和妹妹赶快跑进屋里避难。所以他们所放的烟花，我们一点都没看到。因为没有那种敢死的胆。
所以，璀璨烟花的背后，有人受伤了。
璀璨烟花的背后，人们受了惊吓兼没有了晚餐。
璀璨烟花背后，需要胆量去放。
璀璨烟花的背后更要有胆量去欣赏。